Chapter 1: Addiction
Something major is wrong with me… or is it with the World?
Something major is wrong with me… or is it with the World?
Vacant spaces in life, are sucking the will out of my soul. The desperate feel of the desperate need to have someone love me unconditionally... is the murderer of my dreams. The more my mind auto controls me, the more I feel the need of someone other than me to love me...unconditionally. And so, I find myself dragged behind... every time I try to reach the Dreams I had once seen... maybe when I was about two feet tall or shorter.
All my life till date, I have found myself defending attacks from a double-edged sharp sword. One sharp edge is of the above vacancy. The other sharp edge is that of unfulfilled dreams, laced with a dead stockpile of tremendous yet unrealized potential. What troubles me most, is the sensibility of my own essence. When I walk towards the realization of dreams, the heart aches and cries in agony of love. This grief induces loneliness as an appetizer with main course of depression... faster than speed of light... and there goes my dedication to work to achieve any of the 2-foot-tall kid's dreams... sink down the deep, unfathomable drains of hell.
A young, lonely life is a tough life. Life gets worse when I find myself unwillingly date loneliness. Spiritually speaking... in one way or other, whether anyone agrees or not, loneliness is one of the most essential steps towards Nirvana, the Valhalla, the Great Happy Beyond, the Heavens, the Paradise, the Jannat, the Spiritual Liberation, the Union with the Parabrahma, the Union with God, God Realization in itself.
But I want to live a good life before I get sent on the next stage of death. And I am unable to live that good life. My problem is simple. And yet I do not understand how to get rid of it. I wish I could make myself know how to get what I need, for I think that will be the only cure to the pain & distraction I feel day in and night. But I just can't seem to get anything done, as I find myself cornered in a dark space, under the robe of shame, unable to control my emotions or reduce the grief, smoking some weird, dried leaves... hoping to let loose the grip of the wrong in me, so that the right in me could gasp for a few breaths and manage to survive one more day.
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